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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27651998">The Trouble With Small Balls of Fur</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ollieberry/pseuds/ollieberry'>ollieberry</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Star Trek</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Comedy, Gen, Intentionally Strange, Parody, Satire</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:42:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,809</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27651998</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ollieberry/pseuds/ollieberry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Captain Kirk and Ginny discuss small balls of fur. Namely, Pygmy Puffs, also known as tribbles. Other characters come in and play small and hilarious roles. Starring: Captain James T. Kirk, Ginny Weasley, and Arnold (Sarah) the Pygmy Puff. Also appearing: Spock, Arne Darvin, Lit. Uhura, Fred and George Weasley, Voldemort, and more! I have no idea when this occurs in the timeline.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ginny Weasley &amp; James T. Kirk</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. "He was showering!" / In which there are gender issues</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I do not own the Harry Potter universe or anything that comes along with it. That honor goes to its magnificent creator, J.K. Rowling. Neither do I own the Star Wars universe. Though I do desire to own Pygmy Puffs and Tribbles, I sadly do not either. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy it!</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I do not own the Harry Potter universe or anything that comes along with it. That honor goes to its magnificent creator, J.K. Rowling. Neither do I own the Star Wars universe. Though I do desire to own Pygmy Puffs and Tribbles, I sadly do not either. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Arnold the Pygmy Puff had been missing for three whole days now, and Ginny was beginning to get worried. No amount of comforting from Harry would do the trick; Arnold was Ginny's favorite Pygmy Puff. Contributing to that might have been the fact that Arnold was Ginny's only Pygmy Puff, but you get the point. Ginny was devastated.</p><p>Then one day, when Ginny was walking in Diagon Alley, she saw him.</p><p>Lying in the middle of the street, was a small, pink ball of fur named Arnold. He was a Pygmy Puff who belonged to one Ginevra Molly Weasley. But he — no, she — was also a tribble by the name of Sarah, and he belonged to one Captain James T. Kirk.</p><p>"Arnold!" Ginny cried, lunging for the Pygmy Puff.</p><p>"Sarah!" Captain Kirk hollered at the same time, also lunging at the tribble.</p><p>They ended up in a pile blocking the way of everyone. The ball of fur squeaked.</p><p>"That's <strong>my</strong> Pygmy Puff, and his name is Arnold!" Ginny yelled, "Give him back to me!"</p><p>"No, this tribble is named Sarah, and she is <strong>clearly</strong> a she. I will not give her back to you as she is currently in my care," Captain Kirk replied fiercely, Sarah in his hand. Ginny was just about to say something when they were interrupted</p><p>"Get out of the way!" came several shouts from the crowd. The pair was pushed to the side by the oncoming sea of people waiting to get through.</p><p>"Rude," Ginny muttered as they retreated into a small alley to continue their argument. "He's mine," she then continued.</p><p>The Captain shook his head. "I found her abandoned in a bucket of water. You <strong>obviously</strong> aren't a very good caretaker."</p><p>"He was showering!" Ginny said, exasperated.</p><p>"Oh well." The Captain handed the ball of fur over to the red-haired girl.</p><p>Ginny gave him a puzzled look for a second, before asking, "Who are you, and why do you call Arnold a "tribble"?"</p><p>"I am Captain James T. Kirk, of the U.S.S. Enterprise, Starfleet." At Ginny's confused look, he continued. "The United Federation of Planets."</p><p>She shook her head. "Ginny Weasley. Never heard of it." She held out her hand for him to shake. <em>That girl has a strong grip,</em> he realized a little too late.</p><p>"I call her a tribble, you call her— whatever you call her," Captain Kirk continued with the second question.</p><p>"Why do you call Arnold a "she"?" she asked yet another question.</p><p>"Because she <strong>is </strong>a she." Ginny did not look remotely convinced, so he took out his scanner and ran a scan on the living ball of fur. Ginny thought it looked rather like the muggle remote controls that Mr. Weasley used to tinker with. "Look. It says female,” the Captain reported.</p><p>Ginny sighed. "Okay, then I'll call her Arnolda." Captain Kirk winced.</p><p>"No, that's an awful name. Just stick to Sarah."</p><p>"Fine."</p><p>Sarah gave out a purr.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. “Oh.” / In which there are too many tribbles</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I do not own the Harry Potter universe or anything that comes along with it. That honor goes to its magnificent creator, J.K. Rowling. Neither do I own the Star Wars universe. Though I do desire to own Pygmy Puffs and Tribbles, I sadly do not either. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“So are you a wizard?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The captain snorted. “Wizards don’t exist.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lumos.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A light burst from the tip of a pointed stick that Captain Kirk could only guess was a wand. His mouth dropped open. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Spock looked on, unimpressed. “It seems that both our assumptions have been proven wrong,” he noted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When did you get here?” Ginny asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just now,” the pointy-eared man answered vaguely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is Spock, my Vulkan lieutenant,” Kirk explained. “Ginny, meet Spock. Spock, Ginny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two shook hands awkwardly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, so if you aren’t a wizard, then how did you get here?” Ginny asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I followed someone else in,” Kirk answered simply. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ginny took a moment to contemplate the simplicity of that plan and the inadequacy of the Wizarding security system. Finally, she settled on a “Damn, our security is moot.” Her companions couldn’t have agreed more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ginny broke an awkward silence once again. “Well, since you’re introducing people, let me introduce some of my friends!” She looked around before calling out, “Harry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A messy-haired, bespectacled boy appeared before them. “Hey, I’m Harry Potter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harry, meet Captain Kirk and Spock.” The aforementioned people waved awkwardly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah gave a squeak, along with four other balls of fur. Everybody who had forgotten they were there jumped in surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, right! These are my tribbles: Eeny, Meeny, Miny and Moe,” the Captain exclaimed with too much enthusiasm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At Harry’s confused look, Ginny mumbled to him, “They’re Pygmy Puffs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s Sarah,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At Harry’s confused look, Ginny muttered to him, “Arnold’s a she, so I renamed her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Was all Harry could say. He was too confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah, along with the four other balls of fur, squeaked. Again.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. “... a factor of attractiveness ...” / In which there is too much cuteness / And too many parentheses</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I do not own the Harry Potter universe or anything that comes along with it. That honor goes to its magnificent creator, J.K. Rowling. Neither do I own the Star Wars universe. Though I do desire to own Pygmy Puffs and Tribbles, I sadly do not either. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So, my brothers sell these —”</p><p>“Tribbles,” the Captain corrected.</p><p>“Right, tribbles. Their shop is right over there,” Ginny finished, slightly miffed at the interruption.</p><p>The four companions (Would you call them companions? Comrades?) walked down the street to the packed shop that was the Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes. Fred and George Weasley were in the middle of serving a lovely dark lady.</p><p>“Madam Uhura, could you give us a second?” asked one of the twins (Fred? George?). “Hello Ginny, our favorite sister!”</p><p>“Your only sister, you,” Ginny replied, mock whacking one of them on the head. “Captain Kirk, Spock, meet my twin brothers, Fred and George.”</p><p>“Hello Captain Kirk, I’m Fred,” Fred (George?) said, at the same time as George (Fred?) said “I’m Fred.”</p><p>“The one on the right is Fred. The one on the left is George,” Spock said, looking up from his own scanning device. No one disagreed.</p><p>“Hello Fred, George. I am Captain James T. Kirk, of the U.S.S. Enterprise, Starfleet. Oh, hello Lieutenant.” </p><p>“Why hello, Captain Kirk. What are you doing here?”</p><p>“I am looking at tribbles. You?” </p><p>“Well, so am I! These two businessmen are simply spectacular at their trade! Look at these! Aww!” she swooned, motioning to several adorable multi-colored balls of fur.</p><p>“Yes, I do agree, they do have a factor of attractiveness to them,” Spock said unemotionally. He hoped no one had noticed him cuddling up to a certain turquoise one that had taken a liking to him.</p><p>Severus Snape had a bright neon pink cuddly <em>thing</em> on his shoulder. He tried to hide the fact that he quite liked it. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. “... an eventful day …” / In which there is too much hilarity</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I do not own the Harry Potter universe or anything that comes along with it. That honor goes to its magnificent creator, J.K. Rowling. Neither do I own the Star Wars universe. Though I do desire to own Pygmy Puffs and Tribbles, I sadly do not either. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Suddenly, green jets of light were flying outside the shop. Masked wizards began raiding the shop. </p><p>“Flipendo!” At a death eater’s jinx, the tribbles went flying into the air and landing in everyone’s arms. </p><p>“Hey, these are cute. Can I take one of them home?” asked a short death eater. </p><p>“Absolutely not!” another one shouted, but the first was already cuddling against the furry creatures.</p><p>Fred and George, always the businessmen, said, “Yes. That will be one Galleon.” A gold coin was passed over, and the transaction was over.</p><p>But, you see, Death Eaters are lying, cheating twats, so the moment after, the death eater cast, “Accio!” and the Galleon was his again. To add insult to injury, all the death eaters began stuffing their pockets with as many Pygmy Puffs as was physically possible. Literally. By the time they were done, they all looked like they were eight months pregnant with twin elephants. </p><p>Despite the situation, Captain Kirk could not find it in him not to laugh.</p><p>“Silence!” Everyone in the room froze. A pale-faced, noseless evil wizard walked into the room. “Why do all my loyal death eaters look like they are eight months pregnant with twin elephants?”</p><p>It was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. Or in this case, a few hundred furry animals. They rolled out of the dark death eater robe and into piles on the floor. The air was suddenly filled with tiny shrill squeaks, squeals and chirps.</p><p>“You… are a Klingon?” Spock asked, surprised for once. All the witches and wizards looked at him, confused.</p><p>“That is quite rude of you to say!” Voldemort cried, insulted at being called something he didn’t understand.</p><p>“We have to take him to our ship!” Without warning, Spock grabbed onto Voldemort’s hand and they disappeared in a beam of golden light.</p><p>“Goodbye, Ginny. I hope we meet again. Goodbye everyone!” Captain Spock said. He made a funny sign with his hands before disappearing in a similar beam of light.</p><p>With their master gone, the death eaters quickly Apparated away.</p><p>“Wow, what an eventful day it’s been,” sighed Ginny. Harry nodded in agreement.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. “I’m a mass murderer.” / In which Voldemort is having a bad day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I do not own the Harry Potter universe or anything that comes along with it. That honor goes to its magnificent creator, J.K. Rowling. Neither do I own the Star Wars universe. Though I do desire to own Pygmy Puffs and Tribbles, I sadly do not either. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Voldemort was not happy. He was very unhappy indeed.</p><p>Even when he got out of bed, his day was off to a bad start. “The curtains are too wide open, it’s so bright!” the dark lord complained. He was an evil wizard, after all, and evil wizards needed their beauty sleep.</p><p>Then he had to wait for a whole half-hour as Severus Snape hogged up the bathroom showering (Voldemort didn’t even know he showered). When Snaoe came out, his hair was still as greasy as ever.</p><p>Thankfully, the dark lord was bald, because Lucius Malfoy was complaining all breakfast about how Snape had left his “Signature Snape-poo Slimy Shampoo” in the bathroom, and Malfoy got mixed up and accidentally used it instead of his own “Lucius’s Luscious Locks” hair potion, causing his silky white mane of hair to look like Snape’s, greasy and slimy.</p><p>In fact, almost the whole death eater force accidentally used Snape’s shampoo, so everybody was quite cranky. Only Bellatrix Lestrange was saved, because she, as usual, didn't shower.</p><p>“It’s been 4 years! I want to maintain my streak!” she whined whenever someone complained about how she stunk. Voldemort personally thought that Snape’s grease might be preferable to Bella’s stench. <em>Might</em>.</p><p>Then they went on a few raids, and maybe the dark lord was feeling a bit better. Maybe. Until he walked into Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes and saw all his loyal death eaters looking like they were eight months pregnant with twin elephants. </p><p>And then an alien muggle insulted him and called him a “Klingon”, before capturing him and holding him in a prison of the highest order. </p><p>“Who are you?” asked the person in the cell next to him.</p><p>“I am Lord Voldemort. You?”</p><p>“Arne Darvin. Nice to meet you.”</p><p>“How did you end up here?”</p><p>Arne sighed. “I was a Klingon spy -”</p><p>“Hey, they called me that word too!”</p><p>“Okay, you’re a Klingon then. Anyway, I was a Klingon spy and I poisoned some grain. You?”</p><p>“Oh, erm…” What was the dark lord to say to that? I am a mass murderer? Yes, that would do. “I am a mass murderer.”</p><p>“Cool.”</p><p>Suddenly, footsteps were heard. Someone screeched and a load of tribbles rolled down the corridor. They started squealing at the presence of Arne Darvin and Voldemort.</p><p>“Sorry, sorry, an accident.”</p><p>Captain Spock laughed at the sight of the two Klingon convicts backing away from the angry tribbles. That was definitely not an accident.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Wow! I’ve finally finished this! I would be so glad if you could R&amp;R!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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